Released: 2022
“The 30th” by Billie Eilish is a dramatic and poignant piece that delves deep into the terror and uncertainty following a life-altering accident. With its haunting lyrics, the song encapsulates a vivid picture of trauma and recovery, revealing glimpses of vulnerability, resilience, and the constant hovering specter of ‘what ifs’.
Starting with the lines, “Sometimes, you look the same/Just like you did before the accident”, Eilish immediately sets the scene of a tragedy that has fundamentally irrevocably altered someone she deeply cares for. The phrase “before the accident” suggests a monumental shift in reality, dividing life into a ‘before’ and ‘after’.
“When you’re staring into space/It’s hard to believe you don’t remember it” speaks of the disorienting aftermath of trauma, where memories play hide and seek and the survivor grapples with unwanted amnesia. The ‘staring into space’ paints an image of someone lost in the maze of their jumbled thoughts, wrestling to regain their memory.
The chorus, “And I know you don’t remember calling me/But I told you, even then you looked so pretty/In a hospital bed/I remember you said you were scared/And so was I” is a heart-wrenching articulation of seeing a loved one in a vulnerable state. Here, Eilish attempts to bridge the gap between them with reassurance and affection, even as they both grapple with fear. The line, ‘even then you looked so pretty’ implies an attempt to find light in a dark situation, striving to reassure the unvoiced fear both share.
The verses about ‘usually early traffic’ and ‘ambulances on the shoulder’, demonstrate an unaware participant caught in the throes of fate. Eilish visualizes the scene with chilling detachment, unknowing of the tragedy that has struck her friend.
One of the most powerful stanzas in the song is, “What if it happened to you on a different day?/On a bridge, where there wasn’t a rail in the way?/Or a neighborhood street where the little kids play?/Or the Angeles Crest in the snow or the rain?”. Here, Eilish dives deep into the rabbit hole of ‘what ifs’, a psychological torment that plagues survivors and their loved ones alike. Each hypothetical scenario reinforces the arbitrary nature of the accident and the unavoidability of fate.
Overall, “The 30th” is a dark, yet deeply emotive song that strikes right at the heart of human vulnerability and resilience. Billie Eilish navigates the contours of survivor’s guilt and trauma with compassion and sensitivity, crafting a haunting melody that lingers long after the song ends.
