Released: 2019
Billie Eilish’s “everything i wanted” is an intense exploration of fame’s psychological toll that speaks volumes about the singer-songwriter’s experience with dream fulfillment and the subsequent repercussions. The song navigates between the jarring realities of achieving her dreams (which didn’t pan out as she expected) and her darker thoughts, all underpinned by the reaffirming presence of a constant figure that grounds her.
“I had a dream / I got everything I wanted / Not what you’d think / And if I’m being honest / It might’ve been a nightmare / To anyone who might care.” With these opening lines, Eilish sets the tone for the song, expressing disillusionment with her dreamed-of success, where achieving what she yearned for feels like a nightmare. The “anyone who might care” section hints at the isolation and disconnection that notoriety often brings.
Her mention of “the Golden” in the following verse refers to the Golden Gate Bridge, which has a notorious history as a suicide hotspot. This imagery speaks of her struggles with thoughts of self-harm and suicide. It’s her way of saying she felt so low that she was contemplating ending it all, and what’s worse, “Nobody even noticed.” The repetition of “might care” is a commentary on the superficial nature of fame, where the industry remains indifferent to the artist’s struggles.
The chorus introduces a daybreak of sorts, a comforting presence always there when she wakes up from her nightmares. “You” is presumed to be her older brother and producer, Finneas, who’s been her constant support throughout her musical journey. The lines “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you / Don’t wanna lie here, but you can learn to”, are a protective oath from someone who wants to change the way she sees herself.
Further into the song, Eilish elaborates her feeling of suffocation in the spotlight. “They called me weak / Like I’m not just somebody’s daughter,” she laments, voicing the dehumanization she endures, forgotten as an individual beneath the weight of her fame. The line “everybody wants something from me now” brilliantly encapsulates what it’s like to live in the public eye, with continuous demands and expectations.
The song closes with a reflection on her experiences, and whether she would do it all over again knowing what she knows now. Additionally, she wonders how people would speak if they knew their words directly impacted her. It’s a revealing commentary on the often toxic culture of celebrity bashing, where words can have a severe and personal impact. Eilish’s “everything i wanted” is not just a chart-topping hit, but a raw, eye-opening insight into the grim realities of stardom.
